On the very last day of October I was pissing about on Twitter when one of the trending topics was NaNoWriMo.  Not knowing what this was, and being someone who gets all their news information from Twitter, I clicked on it and learned about National Novel Writing Month, a competition where you write an entire novel, all within the month of November.

They have different guidelines for young writers and they even provide kits for teachers who want to use NaNoWriMo in the classroom (and no, you don’t have to be an English teacher to get involved).  Young writers set their own realistic yet challenging goals (kids as young as 8 get involved) and have the same 30 November deadline as the rest of us.  Basically, if you can write, you can participate.

For adults, the goal is 50 thousand words.  Yes, 50 thousand, all in one month.  In order to reach this goal you’d have to write 1,667 words every day, or considerably more in the last week if you’re anything like me and pretty much gave away weeks 2 and 3.

I thought this sounded like an interesting project, and I was right.  I joined up, mainly to see if I could do it.  It took a lot of work, a lot of tea and a LOT of delete key.  But I got there, on the 30th I passed 50,000 words and I ended up with just over 51,100 in the end.

It’s not perfect, and don’t even bother asking if I’ll show it to you, but it is 50,000 words on the same subject, all written within the 30 days of November.

I learned a lot simply from being involved with the process.

1. I learned that I can write 50,000 words in 30 days, all basically related to the same subject.

2. I learned that planning is EVERYTHING.  I didn’t outline my book before 1 November and then I thought to myslf “any writing you do now surely shoud be towards the novel itself and outlining now will just slow you down.”  WRONG.  Around 30k I ran into blockage.  Major blockage.  I had a beginning and an end to my story, but not a heck of a lot going on in the middle.  And I couldn’t think of anything else to write.  Not one word. So

3. I learned to write through a block.  Just keep writing, no matter how crap you know what you are writing is.  Even if it doesn’t make sense.  Even if it’s pretentious shit.  Even if it’s copying what you already wrote, verbatim, and trying to expand. (Don’t worry, I deleted the duplicate words)

4. I learned about “sagging middles.”  That’s where the middle is boring and fails to hold the audience’s attention.  I actually came across this in a script writing blog, but the concept remains valid.  There’s lots of suggestions about how to avoid this out there: side plots, getting to know lesser characters, that sort of thing.  However, the main thing you need to do to keep your middle attention grabbing is make it so it increases the tension of the plot.  The protagonist should have more to lose after each chapter, each event, keeping the reader/ watcher more emotionally invested.  The only way to successfully execute this is to plan.

5. I learned (again) that the Internet is the enemy.  Full stop.  A tiny break leads to hours wasted.  A quick check of an e-mail changes what should have been 1,000 words to 100 words.  Set time for things like Internet, television, ex-cetera, and don’t, I repeat DO NOT deviate from the schedule or give in to temptation. Which leads me to point 5:

6. I learned that small excuses can lead to bigger excuses.  One of the motivational e-mails that came to me last month reminded me of this small but always true notion.  Saying “I’ll just check this one website” can lead to hours of surfing.  ”I’ll write after lunch” can lead to sitting in from of Two and a Half Men all afternoon.  ”It’s too cold in this room” a whole day gone.

7. I know it might not be in the spirit of the competition, but when I got stuck I wrote one or two passages which don’t particularly match the rest of the novel.  They’re all right and I could hammer them in if I had to, but given a further deadline or a lower word count, these would be the first to get the chop.  Then again, maybe the spirit of the competition is to just keep writing and by hook or by crook get to that 50k goal.

8. I learned to update the website.  I didn’t think this was important until I went into the site after the deadline to proudly declare I had written my 50,000 words only to find that you can’t enter anything after the deadline.  So it looks like I didn’t write a single word.  But I did.

All in all National Writing Month 2011 (International, I guess) was more of a learning experience than anything else.  But I think some of what I wrote is salvageable, even if it’s to a number of short stories.  I also think the lessons I learned will be invaluable to me next time I enter the competition, which I plan to do.

When I was in America in October 2011, I found myself watching re-runs of “Man Vs Food” at my best friends house (PS America this is why you’re fat) in the middle of the night.  I had never seen the show before and couldn’t really (and still don’t) fully comprehend why this person was going all over America eating huge pizzas or omelets, but we watched it nonetheless.  Before he gets to whatever “challenge” he has for the episode, he does go around to some of the areas cool eateries.  In the episode about Hartford, Connecticut he started talking about Steamed Cheeseburgers at Ted’s Restaurant in nearby Meridan, Connecticut.

The story is that Ted’s started as a lunch cart for construction workers and steam was the easiest way to cook things on the go.  But eventually the workers were all like, “Yo Ted, we need something more substantial for lunch, can we get some meat or something?” So Ted’s were all like, “We can do that!” And thus the steamed cheeseburger was born.  It is apparently the only place in America that serves them, as all their equipment is custom built it is no wonder why.

So I’m sitting at my friends house watching this Man Vs Food, and I was all like.  What’s that, STEAMED CHEESEBURGERS?!  Sounds delicious.

So I said, “That sounds delicious.”
And my best friend said.  ”Yeah it does.”
“Hartford isn’t THAT far away, I mean in the grand schemes of things which are far away, Hartford is pretty close.”
“True, aren’t you flying out of Boston?”
“Yeah.
“What time is your flight?”
“I dunno, like 7:45PM or something, why?”
“Well, here we are (points in the air) here Boston is (points at another spot) here’s Hartford (points in the middle then moves point somewhat down).”
“YES, I like where this is going.”
“What if we drove you back to the airport and went for steamed cheeseburgers on the way?”

And that’s exactly what happened.  Steamed cheeseburgers are exactly as delicious as they sound and it was totally worth the detour (plus any excuse to spend a few extra hours in the company of close friends is fine with me).

Ted's!

Inside, the counter and the kitchen.

My delicious burger, cheese, tomato, lettuce, mushrooms

Fries, ours were plain.

They had steamed cheese on theirs.

Jenn's Burger

Donavan. He was super hungry. (Just kidding, he only ate 2 of those)

Barry, his burger was too large to fit in the photo.

Jenn and me being tourists.

Have you seen this town? It’s somewhere in the Adirondacks:

I should become a cartographer

One of the strange things about this particular part of the state is that there seems to be a lot of oversized furniture, I saw large chairs on the side of the road on their own, outside of restaurants/ hotels and inside and outside of the museum itself.  I don’t know what the obsession with huge Adirondack chairs is, but there certainly are a lot.

The Adirondack’s have a logging legacy, one of the mountains’ historical periods.  It was partially because of excessive logging that the Adirondack Park was created, to save it.  Over the past hundred/ hundred and fifty years the forest has grown back and nearly all of the native species have been restored.  Because of the nature of the Adirondack Park (it takes up a huge chunk of the state, and is bigger than Yellowstone, Everglade, Glacier and Grand Canyon National parks combined) it contains both public and private land, including 103 towns and villages with 130,000 year-round residents.  The Museum has collected relics from the logging era, particularly from the Blue Mountain Lake region the museum not inhabits:

One of the more interesting exhibits they have there is a woman who builds Adirondack Guide Boats in the same manner as they would have made them for hundreds of years.  It takes about 600 hours to make just one boat, and the woman is only there part-time during the summer.  While she works she also answers questions, as her workshop is open to the public.  Unfortunately she was not there the day we went, but her work was:

She uses the natural curve of branches and roots to create the ribs of the boat, which will take about two and a half years to complete at the Museum, after which it will be sold for a hefty sum.

Everywhere in the Adirondacks (and a lot of New York, you can see it right in Central Park if you know what to look for) there remains evidence of the glaciers that pulled up through America and Canada, shaping our landscape:

On our way back (actually out of our way back) we stopped over in Inlet, NY, a place I frequented in my childhood.  I have fond memories of this quiet lakeside town from when I was very young all the way through my teens.  I don’t know if it’s because I’m older or because of changing times but it does seem there is not much here anymore, but Lake 4 and the surrounding area are as beautiful as ever, and families were enjoying the last remaining summer weather.  It will be autumn here sooner than you think.

Dinner with Dad at the Woods Inn, Inlet NY

Dockside of Fourth Lake, Inlet NY 

And then we left, because I could only spend one day in the mountains and still see everyone I needed to see.

It was a great day and a fun trip back to some places I used to frequent as a child.  Next time I’m back and have some time I plan to take a canoe trip and maybe camp on some of the numbered lakes.  I did 50 miles through here on a weekend as a teenager and it was fantastic.

Well, the plane ride there was… interesting I guess (once I discovered which airpot was the correct airport I needed to depart from).  Word to the wise, DO NOT fly Iceland Express if you have any other economically feasible choice.  It was terrible.  However, this is the plane I took from London to Reykjavik (no lie):

Used to be a tour plane, now a budget airliner.

And the plane from Reykjavik to Boston had this odd piece of mural macrame in it:

I don't know, I really don't.

On the way to Boston they played Icelandic films, one of which even looked like it might have been made in the early 2000′s.  The others were at best mid-70′s.  In Icelandic.  It was… educational?  No, it was crap.  I sat next to an eight year old who kept trying to watch “Rabbit Hole” on my computer screen, I should probably have been watching something more appropriate like “Saw,” that would have taught her to mind her own business.  There was also a baby sitting behind me on someone’s lap, no one in the party could figure out why it wouldn’t stop crying but I could, and I’m guessing anyone within a ten foot radius could.  I’d be fussy too if you made me sit in my own feces for 5 hours.

Eventually I did make it to America.  The first thing I did after driving from Boston to Albany was to check in with my best friend Jenn, her fiancé Donavan and another bridesmaid Michelle.  I’d never met the other girls (except my sister) going to the party but they were all so lovely I’m glad to have met them!

Girls' Night In

First Up: Daiquiris by Donavan!

Over the weekend we had a great time in Saratoga, we went to the track, dinner and out on the town.  We rode up and back in a limo and finished the weekend with a lovely brunch on Sunday.  I apparently didn’t take many pictures but we had a blast, it was the right way to send a childhood friend off to get married.

Other than that there was a lot of family time and best friend time.  It was a really nice trip, the only thing is I wish Barry could have been there.  But he just had a Japanese holiday without me!  3 More weddings this year, none of them in England, so we will get to do some traveling together.

Hanging out with my nephew, we both like Captain America.

This is real life.

Oh yeah, I did go antiquing with my Mom and saw this amazing piece:

Why yes, that IS a clock stuck in the middle of that painting!

I almost bought it for you, I mean can you even IMAGINE that someone wanted to part with this?  Also, just so you know, this (sorry for being sideways) was about three and a half feet tall.  No word of a lie, it was huge.  And amazing.

So that’s about it, but always remember:

PS thanks for reading, this is my 100th post.

(Image by: Cyril van der Haegen at www.tegehel.org)

But sometimes I think my sense of humor isn’t necessarily shared by everyone, so I’ll probably end up going with a simpler design.

Chris P has begun to write a short script that we aim to film in a few months time.  Can’t give too many details away at the moment, but it’s shaping up to be something cool.

In addition, we’ve begun work on a much larger project.  Again, can’t offer too much information (sorry to be so secretive!) but we’ll update news as it happens.  We’re all very excited.

Want to get involved or just follow our projects?  Like us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter!

And they did, which was awesome.  I just needed to hold out a little longer for the new release of Final Cut!  There’s nothing like buying something only for a new version to come out a couple of months later; waste of money, amIright?  Plus the new version is going to fix everything that was wrong and render so much faster and just be the total badass FCP we’ve all known Apple was capable of creating! So I waited.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, Apple unveiled their shiny new product: Final Cut Pro X, a hideous abortion of their previously decent editing software.

I’m not going to go into a rant about FCPX, it’s been done and there are loads of other people out there saying what’s crap about it.  All I will say is that, from a professional standpoint it isn’t going to get the job done.  They have taken themselves out of that market and become the Eastman Kodak of the cutting room.  They have forsaken professionals to focus on the lucrative self-proclaimed “pro-sumer” market – people who are willing to spend spend spend for shiny boxes that send the e-mails.  This new software is probably fine if you’re cobbling together wedding videos and science projects and passing yourself off as an “editor,” but for professionals it just isn’t right.

Oh sorry, I forgot, everyone’s a graphic designer/ photographer/ filmmaker now.

This latest transition is, for me, bitterly disappointing, and as much as it pains me to say, I am strongly considering parting ways with Apple.  I cannot in good conscience recommend Apple products to anyone, you can get what you need cheaper elsewhere and you are paying a premium for brand and bling.

I have always been a loyal Apple customer, in photography, graphics and filmmaking they have for years been the best.  FCP was a great program, powerful enough for a professional job but affordable (I would buy AVID in a second but at this point I can’t afford the £1900 price tag).  A lot of professionals are heading down this road, but as I said, Apple does not care.  Losing the professional market doesn’t bother them, after all they’re making money hand over fist off of people who think they need a cable from the Apple store because it’s white instead of black.

Things I was actually looking to buy from Apple in the coming year (I’m such a technology whore):
- iMac (soon)
- Final Cut Pro (soon)
- iPhone 4 or 5 (will need a new phone before a year is up)
- iPad (to replace the on-the-move convenience of my waning laptop)

Now I can’t see the point of buying anything from Apple over their competitors.  I’ve put up with OS and processor changes that don’t run old programs, I’ve put up with Apple’s tendency to sever ties (service and support) with older models, I’ve even put up with spending £80 on a replacement plug (yes a PLUG) for my laptop.  But this is the breaking point.  How many times did you think you could hit me before I’d walk away?

I am quite literally at a loss as to what to do.  I want (need) a new computer and ideally that would have some way for me to, you know, EDIT.  Because that is what I do, for fun and for money.  If I can’t get decent software I just don’t see the point of a Mac.  I can’t afford AVID.  Premiere?Well that’s just laughable.  So what do I do now?

So I went home, had a look over McAvoy’s IMDB resumé and ordered a couple of things from play.com.  (I did the same for Fassbender, but that’s another post).  A few days later, DVDs in hand, I settled down to watch “Atonement,” of which I had heard good things. The film ended up being wonderfully unexpected, and you should see this movie.  Everyone should see this movie, it’s brilliant and not the chick-flick I thought it would be, it’s amazing.

In contrast to how serious I imagined “Atonement” would be (I was not wrong),  I also ordered series 1 of “Shameless.”  Now, Shameless has been running on UK TV for a long, long time and I have caught the odd episode, but they were later episodes and it’s all very confusing if you’ve not seen it before.  But I have been informed over and over by various people that the first few series of the show are both excellent and funny, so I thought why not give it a go.

Which is where we come to the actual point of this entry: Writing Comedy, Writing Characters (Spoilers ahead for the first couple of series of Shameless, if you have NOT seen it you can go here and see it.  For free.  For real.  You can even see its American re-make, which I have not yet watched.  This site will likely not work outside of the UK and for this I apologise but accept no blame.)

To say that Frank Gallagher is a flawed character is not entirely accurate; Frank is nothing but flaws.  He hasn’t got a single redeeming quality about him.  He’s a benefit thief, he’s got six kids he doesn’t take care of, he abandons them to live with someone who is getting more benefits, he fakes his own death to absolve his debt.  He drinks too much, he sometimes hits his kids, he never encourages them and only even speaks to them if it’s benefitting to him.  He refuses to go to parent’s night when Lip wants to go to sixth form and on the same night he fucks Lip’s girlfriend Karen in the toilet of the school.  He’d put more effort into pretending he had a job than it would be to just have a job.  He takes advantage of Debbie, who adores him, he claims benefits but doesn’t provide food, clothes or pay the bills for the kids.

In fact, sitting here after watching an entire series of the show, I cannot think of one situation Frank Gallagher dealt with like a decent human being, except maybe where he broke up with Karen because of Lip, but even then you have to consider he was sleeping with his son’s girlfriend who is also the daughter of his own girlfriend.  Who he lives with.  Yep, stellar stuff.

So why is it that I like Frank?  Because I do like Frank.

I like Frank because he has been subtly and expertly written.  You’re supposed to like Frank (I think).  Paul Abbott has created a cast of characters (somewhat auto-biographically) who are flawed but like-able, pretty standard, but his main character is flawed beyond redemption, pretty risky for comedy.  But for better or for worse, Frank is the main character (sort of) and if you can’t get your audience to identify with your main character on some level, then you have probably not written a good television series.

I find Shameless to be particularly interesting because at its heart, it is a comedy.  But then you stop to think about it.  There’s nothing funny about growing up on an estate with no-show parents, surrounded by crime and little to no encouragement to make a better life.  The family dynamic in the wake of all that is happening around them, to them,  gives the show heart.  The love between siblings and even the love and devotion they have for their parents is what makes the show work, it’s what makes it genuine.  I care when the characters get hurt, even Frank. Why?  Because the community cares: when he goes missing people are genuinely concerned, and not just because of the kids.  They are concerned for Frank, he’s one of their own and through whatever happens, he is a part of that community.  And that’s what it’s like to be a part of a community.

Which brings me to my next point: Steve.  Steve is a very like-able character.  He’s good with the kids, he’s smart, he’s good looking, he seems to really like Fiona, he stands up to Frank when he is out of line, he can talk his way out of anything but somehow do it without sounding like a hustler (which he is).  Steve is an all around good guy, if a bit smug (plus his dress sense is appalling.)  But again Abbott turns this around; Steve isn’t always a good guy, and I don’t mean because he steals cars.  It’s because he doesn’t get it.  Sure Frank is a useless bastard, but he’s their bastard.  If you force the Gallaghers to choose between you and their Dad, they’re going to choose Dad.  Every time.  Having a shit Dad is better than having no Dad and that’s something we can all relate to, because we all have Dads who fall somewhere on the spectrum between non-existent and most-amazing-Dad-ever.

My goal in writing is to be able to write people like that.  People who feel genuine, relationships that feel genuine.  And to do it with such grace, such subtlety, that the audience doesn’t even notice.

As I look over the drafts and drafts and drafts of the sitcom I’m in the process of writing, I don’t see characters that are as real as this.  It’s not a million miles off, but there are some clichés roaming my pages, some 2-dimensionality and some very over-written dialogue.  That’s not to say it won’t get better after a proper edit, but I think it’s because of one simple fact: this is my first go.

Very few people, if any, are straight out of the gates geniuses.  A script editor once told me that they’d never seen a script (or any writing) that didn’t need serious edits and rewrites, that no script is good the first time it gets put in front of them, a script is merely potentially good and it’s their job to find that – the potential.  It’s about the writer and the process, about being open to criticism and change.  And ultimately doing all that in a way that keeps your tone, your goal, your story, your writing.  I have to accept that writing, especially scriptwriting, is a muscle and like anything, will get better with exercise.  Shameless isn’t the first thing Paul Abbott ever wrote.

Take a look at Blackadder.  Now admit it; when I said Blackadder, if you thought anything along the lines of “genius” or “comedy gold,” you had in your head an image from the third or fourth season.  Am I wrong?  I bet at any rate it wasn’t the first season.  Because it got better.  Over time.

I’l finish with a quote I think is really relevant and something not said enough to people starting off, not just in writing but in most things.

Now that I’m an adult and there’s no one around to tell me I can’t eat frozen green beans straight from the bag, I readily admit that I would eat cereal for every meal.  In fact, that would pretty much be my dream.

Food, for me, is not an exciting matter, and the less exciting the better.  I don’t like things to be too complicated, I prefer white bread over wheat bread or anything (shudder) with seeds, I don’t like crunchy bits like celery, nuts or uncooked onion infiltrating my food, I pick bean sprouts out of Chinese takeaway, I don’t eat fish unless it’s been battered and deep fried.   In a nutshell; I have the taste palette of a five year old.  The exception is that I love fruits and vegetables and seemingly most children would just rather go without those sorts of things.

Honestly, fancy food, healthy food, adult food does not excite me.  I am crap at cooking (plus I hate doing it) and left to my own devices I would probably survive on rice cakes and Kraft Dinner.

I am a Food Philistine.

I thought this would change as I got older, I thought this would change as I was introduced to new and exciting foods.  I was wrong.  I’ve always been slightly embarrassed by my taste buds.  I will eat in restaurants I don’t really enjoy or snack on foods which are meant to be healthier than what I would normally eat.  Not for dietary reasons, simply for the fact that it’s not normal for an adult to eat Frosted Mini Wheats for lunch and bologna slices and cheese strings for dinner, apparently.  You get funny looks, people ask if you’re skint, if you’re feeling all right.  I’m fine, thanks, I just really like cereal.

In what seems to me to be a new age, but could also simply be the immersion of one in another culture combined with growing up, I am surrounded more and more often by self proclaimed “foodies.”  I am bombarded both in my real life and in my online life with tales of “what I made for dinner” and pictures of my friends’ and their spouses’ latest culinary prowess.  I am both shocked and awed.  How could people without a Master’s Degree in cooking, a full team of highly trained Chef’s and Gordon Ramsay’s kitchen possibly be creating such amazing food?  And all the time!  Every day, or at least a few times a week, people are doing this.  People with jobs, people with social lives, people with kids are doing this.  Meanwhile I’m over here thinking just to roast a chicken I’d need at least three weeks to prepare, and even then I’d have to do it on a bank holiday weekend with a fully cleared schedule.  I’m terrified of the kitchen, I can make the few dishes I know, and I can make them damn well, but experimenting?  Putting together a dish with items you have in the kitchen without a set recipe?  You’ve got to be kidding me.  Cooking is surely some form of modern-day witchcraft and sorcery.

But it’s not just that.  It’s not just my ineptitude in the kitchen.  In fact, my ineptitude is the effect, not the cause.  Truth is I just don’t get that excited about food.  Eating is something I do because I have to, because I’m bored, because it accommodates some sort of social occasion.  And it’s not that I would just as soon have a bowl of cereal as a four course meal.  It’s that I prefer it.  For whatever reason, most people find this behavior in an adult mad (and yet most of us accommodate it in our children).

Now, I am a grown-up,  I have the ability to put these mild discomforts at bay.  For example, if you have invited me into your home and taken the time and effort to cook me a lovely dinner, I would hardly say “yeah well I don’t like onions.” This is not a justifiable statement, it’s rude and it’s selfish.

My point isn’t to say that I can’t or won’t eat certain foods, it’s just to say that I am not a foodie, and I’m fine with that.